Sunday, February 15, 2015

#I'mNotDavidNorMargaret, Film Reviews My Way 2015

This is one of the headrest (that's what she said) films to review, I'm talking about FIFTY SHADES OF GREY.

I had never read the book, basically knew the plot and knew (and blogged about) how many tickets in tickets this movie (soon to be movie franchise) had sold in advance.

First up let's check out the trailer.

Now the idea of releasing this on Valentine's Day is gold, releasing the next film Fifty Shades Darker next Valentine's Day would just continue this cash cow. The cash doesn't just come from advance/general ticket sales, the soundtrack is the number one album around Australia this week, apparently their is some rather horrid merch on offer too.

So the film, it's average at best. The sex is not sexual nor arousing. Dakota Johnson as a virgin, fuck off and Jamie Dornan (who has done a full frontal nude photo shoot in the past) staying clothed (expect for a large number of shirtless scenes) for the most part of the film is extremely lame.

Never being into S&M myself (except for the Rihanna hit a few years back, actually the remixes more than the original) I found this odd. It's not romantic, neither of them seem that into it and frankly it ended like the last Hunger Games film, incomplete and like a television series cliffhanger.

Clever marketing team.

The music pumps and grooves throughout the film, almost like a 2 hour ad for music from Sia, Ellie Goulding, The Weeknd and more....

The soundtrack stinks of recent Twilight & Hunger Games efforts (both featuring Sia in the past and the later Hunger Games featuring that song "Elastic Heart") getting as many SO HOT right now acts and some up and coming acts (little known urban artist Beyonce features heavily - JOKES!) to contribute and build the hype for this film.

Released weeks apart songs from the soundtrack have dominated (sorry) the iTunes chart and proved to keep my girl Sia all over the charts.

Look this movie is nothing more than a marketing vessel for:

1. Upcoming sequels
2. Soundtrack sales
3. Cable ties from Bunnings
4. Books (both this book and the other two in the series)
5. And today I have seen multiple sexy toy, lube, goat weed horny pills all relying on the film to promote sales of their respective products.

Apple also is all over this film. Laptops, iPhones and the like it's a marketing cluster fuck. Forget suggestive product placement, some of this film is like a fully paid premium piece.

OK so any bad reviews are a waste of time, this film is already a monster success, so that said, I would go into the play room with Jamie Dornan so I guess in a way, Success I was hooked. 2.5 JUST pass marking Stars for this so so soft core porn major cinema release. Let's be honest I have seen sexier scenes on Today Tonight re-enactment scenes (RIP Today Tonight).

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